Priming and Pruning the Guest List

The guest list is likely to be one of the most sensitive areas when you are arranging your wedding and the reception.

There used to be a tradition where the total number of guests was decided by the overall budget, with a slight reduction to allow for
unexpected contingencies.

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Then, the bride’s parents would invite about one third of that number, the groom’s parents a like number and the other third
would come from the bride’s and groom’s own personal friends.
There are usually more people on each of their lists than can be
invited.

Then, there could be pressure from the parents who are paying for
or subsidizing the major costs to let them invite more people.
There can be emotional pressure to invite distant or elderly relatives
who none of you can remember meeting, business colleagues of
your parents and other loosely connected people.

With most couples, the discussion doesn’t take long because the
budget runs down pretty quickly when you consider that each guest
that’s in any form of formal relationship will expect their partner to
be invited. Add your fathers’ bosses and their bank managers – that should be it.

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Be prepared for requests and even anger from people that didn’t
make the list. You’ll also get more requests from parents to bring
their children if you didn’t include them on the invitation and some
parents will bring their children along without asking.

The best answer is plain honesty, “The budget would not stretch
very far and I knew you would understand. Let’s arrange to meet
for dinner after the honeymoon?”

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Keep in touch with your guests and, especially, the bridal party.
There’s always the possibility that someone will have to pull out.
Then, you can either add someone else to the list (don’t be
surprised or disappointed if they decline the second-hand invitation)
or keep to one less so that your budget has a bit more cash in it.